WORK

Today, I've decided I need to start working really hard. I'm having trouble integrating people into my life and I thought it was because I was focused too much on work. Now I think that it's because I'm not working enough. I need to be diligent and hardworking. I am young and I can push myself to do a lot during these next ten years. I want to work very hard over these next few months leading up to Christmas. I also want to do more intensive Bible study and prayer. It's time for me to get out of this rut of laziness. When did this happen? Where do I get the motivation to work hard? I don't want it to come from guilt or fear or the soul-sucking need for identity in accomplishment. I want it to come from joy and righteousness.

I guess it's just confusing to find a new form of motivation now. I'm so used to school. I'm so used to deadlines and my accomplishments being graded on a numeric scale. But also, I think there is something about the nature of academic learning that I miss.